So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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