i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
