They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
pray to the hookup gods
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
