Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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