First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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