My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize