New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
