It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
