id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
