I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
