After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
