Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
We need to get me chipped asap
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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