nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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