I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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