we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize