Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
How's work?
Spinning.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
