i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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