what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
