Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
