3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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