I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
