I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize