we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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