I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
