I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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