I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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