Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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