Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
