Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
