Where is the hickey?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Randomize
