some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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