Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Randomize