im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
