if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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