my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize