The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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