Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i think i have two assholes
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
