He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize