Kiss
Puke
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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