Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
