I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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