How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
