I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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