I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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