My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you traded sex for a burrito?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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