I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
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