We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
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