I can't watch pbs sober anymore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
