made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
