Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Mom said you looked used
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize