I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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