so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
