we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
