i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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