Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
