just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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