I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
