So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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