I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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