Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
