I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
